Loving with my whole heart and Life after Death

Being that I am a pagan, and share in pagan beliefs, which includes life after death shouldn't love be easier?  The fact that there is more.  I have still managed to shut off my heart, deep damage was done when my mother passed, and I'm not sure if it was because I felt she was short changed in this life, or because of guilt on my part, or just because I wanted her here.  I used to cry at movies, I used to cry when my feelings would get hurt, I used to cry, and not so much now and never during a sad movie.  This was brought about from a day thought, I am sitting here on the floor straightening up my bookshelf and altar and I happen to look up at my cupboard and there on the first shelf I see a small black  something that looked like we might have wings  clumsily trying to bring it's head up to stand and see where it had landed.  He's a baby dragon, black.  Now, I make him go away and I tell him that I can't love him here because humans are stupid and the thought of loosing him to human stupidity is too much, just thinking about it brought a tear to my eye.  But what if I could have?  Would I truly have a dragon here?  The possibility...and a thought of what have I done....