PEACE

Such a simple thing "Peace" goes without saying one of the most beautiful things to have . Some of us have inner peace others can make peace without my dream is to be able to give peace.Think about it we can (some better than others ) find inner peace others can show an outer peace .This dream is not without consequence as to force peace upon those that do not wish it is still wrong, No my wish is to have the ability to offer a peace that would flow out and allow those that do not wish it thrust upon them to see that it is the better path . Now some will say that is already here all others have to do is reach for it ,Yes i would agree but people are intelligent able to make complex decisions even under pressure .The problem we face nowadays is too much information in some cases (regrettably not vetted or researched enough) so many have been drawn down the wrong paths and get frustrated in trying to sort the good from the bad. Therein lies my deepest wish to be able to offer peace and understanding to all without compromise or added untruths just to make it "Pretty"   .So in turn I can only answer those  who ask of me as I will not push my truths upon any.

Breathe

Breath, that piece of life that is very hard to do without . all things considered this should be easy I mean you do it all the time ,only stopping for things like sneezing and swimming. To be honest this will be the hardest hurdle to leap. First not all have a place to "tune out" or get away from distractions
so the best some can do is not to scream for everyone and everything to give some peace(where this might work the aggravation level you would create within is not good for calming oneself),so a time that you have no reason to move or have to chase children is time to practice breathing.The process is simple in action just hard to master, most do not take a full breath normally so we start with this ten to twenty full (not fast ) breaths once this is started and you are comfortable with this now the mind must relax try to empty your thoughts if this is difficult try thinking of your favorite color and fill the space with this . Some say you must do this as long as possible myself I advise just enough time to relax and purge your energy . Once you have cleansed your energy anything you do now will be more effective and it will just feel better .

Energy Flow

All about in in and through everything is energy. Now we do not feel it as we used to or may not ever again.To those in science and the ordinary folk will say "why yes because we are all made up of atoms and molecules so yea there is energy  there". To which most would agree the topic closed,well to the rest we know better. OK so the ordinaries have gone to sleep all snug in the "oneness" that is running through them.Now enough with the bad stuff lets get to the good parts, all in everywhere and everything has energy. As a whole we draw from the surrounding energy without control some more than others many less. It is not about taking more and others will not get any contrary to any who say or think the energy of the whole does not get used up while it will change through each time or times in some cases that we interact with it think of it as a great ocean of energy but in this case our swimming does not make the same kind of ripples ,well I digress to tune your self towards the best use of this free energy is through calm regulated thinking .so we start with breathing I will layout a plan in next entry.

Use a study plan

Lol, a little off topic for a sec, but, you know what messes me up the most when I'm trying to write something down.  In a writing class, somewhere back in the day, I was taught not to begin sentences with the word "I".  This is no easy thing for someone who is just jotting down thoughts that may or may not help someone.  Ok, back on track, and if I start too many sentences with I... I'm over it.
Oh my goodness, so I have been on this path for about 5 years and have learned a lot.  It's just that what I have learned is all over the place.  Pretty much like getting a book, reading it, getting another book, reading it... So now, NOW, I am going to try to organize all of this to make for easy reference? Because of this hemajang (Hawaiian for mixed up) way of "study" it makes it difficult to remember anything.  There is no order.  Guh!!

Don't Just Go Through the Motions



 

I chose this picture because whatever he is doing, he means it.  He's not just reading words from the book in a ho-hum fashion, nor is he stumbling and stammering.  He has conviction, concentration, and he's about to mess some stuff up.

What this means for me, is that I forget to put a good lot of that in my spell work.  No, I don't feel I need to be exactly like this fellow, but more so than what and where I am now, almost 5 years into it.  Granted, life has to go on as well, but I really lose it, for years at a time.  Something will happen that intertwines with my magic and I freeze.  Current events push away the memory of how I came to be a witch in the first place.  My witch was born out of heart break and desperation to see the good in people.  She is the reason I am who I am and not a very bitter, outraged, murderous, depraved individual I was well on the way of becoming.  She helped me get back my love so that I am able to give love to those who would need it of me and she encouraged forgiveness of those who had hurt me, not for their benefit, but for my own. 

Goddess came to me during this time, of course I am talking about the Crone.  Stop whinning, she said.  And our relationship grew from there.

 



Samhain 2014

Samhain, Halloween, either way is fine with me, is my favorite day of the year.  It is also a pagan holiday, Sabbat, either way is fine with me. 
We are so bogged down and entrenched in our day to days that we don't take time out to see and feel the very important changes going on around us.  We don't take time out to appreciate all that is given to us, all that is provided to us.  We barely take time to mourn.  Humanity is growing away from feeling, from deep connections.  We shy away from anything that might take our eye off the prize, whatever one should view as "prize", be it money or material wealth, intellect and knowledge, whatever.  We cannot let "feeling" get in the way.
This next year I will be concentrating more on "feeling".  Not that I have ever had a problem with emotions other than the fact that I feel them in big ways.
Today is Dia De Los Muertos.  Day of the Dead and is a time to remember and honor those who have passed.  A time to honor our ancestors.  I don't know what that feels like.  At some point today, one of my goals is to figure that out.

Last night I did my annual reading for the coming year.  I usually use the Elements layout. 
1- at the top - Earth, physical
2- at the right - Air, mental
3- at the bottom - South, energy
4- at the left - West, emotion
5- center - Spirit

1- King of Cups- Wisdom comes from looking within.  Temper counsel of others with compassion.
2-Ten of Wands- Many commitments, not enough time.  Overwhelmed, too much of a burden.  Need to pick and choose which is more important.
3-Eight of Pentacles- Long involved project nearing completion.  Diligence and skill, attention to detail.
4-Queen of Pentacles- Embrace love of beautiful things in this world. Create beautiful, magical atmosphere for yourself and loved ones.  Emotional fulfillment.  Motherhood.
5-Queen of Swords- Pay attention to instincts and intuition.  May be time to try something new.  Assert independence, stand up for yourself.  Follow intuition.

The cards are Ellen Dugan's Witches Tarot, and the above meanings are from the companion book to that deck and you can find the cards here at her official website and follow the link at the bottom of the page to purchase the deck on amazon OR you can click here and get the straight away.

Hope all had a blessed Halloween, Samhain, that was full of love.

Thank Goodness for Misunderstandings

We spent the evening with friends.  Golden Corral for dinner, and a movie.  The night was fine until we got into the theater.  We are sitting down and my husband doesn't sit next to me.  My friend had to tell him, "Aren't you gonna sit next to your wife?".  Once he was seated next to me, he positions himself at the furthest distance he possibly can away from me. I suggest to him that he should move a seat over and he did.  My heart broke through the entire movie because I thought I was too fat for him to sit next to me, that he was squished so he had to move down.
I made it through the movie, I made it through the drive home, I made it to my bedroom.  All the while with this very uncomfortable lump in my throat.  Is the lump from trying to keep from crying?  Or is it the crying building up?  Either way, the lump was present, through the entire movie all the way home.  At one point he tried to touch me and I just shrugged it off.  I made it all the way through until I laid down for bed, and the tears came. With the tears, the pain of my broken heart could be felt with it's crushing, sinking feeling.
I cried until I couldn't breath.  He tried to comfort me, again I pushed him away.  This is a horrible, horrible feeling and I would like that it never happen again.  I am thinking that this is the end of my marriage. 
After the crying, I was able to speak and tell him what was going on. He laughed at first. He was trying to play a joke on his friend.  He was giving me an arm on the chair to put my soda is why he had moved over.  Then his tears came at the thought of me sitting through the entire movie with a broken heart.  It was all a misunderstanding.  We were both happy and relieved.  I should've spoken much sooner, but couldn't for the lump in my throat that I would have surely lost control over.  This was a horrible moment in time.  Horrible.  Just, thank goodness for misunderstandings.

Isa

I now know, the full and complete definition of Isa.

                                       
                                           The picture above is from wayfarersmark.com

There was something I was supposed to do.  Something big, so big that even the universe was guiding me in that direction using my cards (like really blunt, point blank period kind of way), music, changing my environment, making it very uncomfortable to be where I was.  It was a very, very, strong pull. I just couldn't make it work.  No matter what I did.  And what happened was, I got in my own way.  I had literally slipped off my path, lost my way, and have been wallowing, stagnant, for most of the year.  I just, in my head, I couldn't make it work. 
Trying to make it back on track, I liken it to a long train trying to get rolling again.  I was split in two for such a long time.  It was horrendous, heart breaking and lonely.  A whole half of me was not in the here and now, and I am not whole still. 
I think for me to be whole again is going to be a long road down "self" lane.  The whole, "Who am I?" trip.
Then to compound the difficulties is the slow, painful, against my will, transition from mother to who ever is going to be after her.  Transitioning from one archetype to another is hard on it's own,  but I had been preparing my whole life to be a mother.  I remember being as young as 7 thinking about baby names, and at 14 actually looking in baby name books.  I always knew I would breastfeed, and this was during a time when bottle feeding was the only way and breastfeeding was not accepted.
Mother is who I am.  I don't want to know anything else and I don't know how or where to go from here.  More wallowing?  I sleep a lot, and yes, I am depressed.  These two very large, emotional events, come simultaneously.  Sure, why not?

 

Get this book here

I saw a post on Joanna DeVoe's (The Kickass Witch <3) Facebook page, she was highly recommending this book.  I found some free seminar recordings and listened.  I bought the book after listening for 20 minutes.  I have not gotten the book in the mail yet, it is due in a few days, but what I got from those few minutes of her seminar, it was the coal igniting in the engine of that train.  Like I said, I haven't read the book yet, but Caroline Myss (pronounced Mace) teaches us about archetypes.
My definition of archetype is certain, common personalities that make up who you are.  In Caroline's seminars she spoke about living with and knowing who or what your archetypes are.  For me, she explained what it is I am going through about my transitioning from mother to who ever is next. 
I am curious to see who, in me, am I to meet next. I understand that I will go through the mourning of moving past my mother archetype. I trust in the universe, the divines, and myself to make it through this and be better because of it.  It is time to let go.

At first...

I was kind of in a panic about the whole Guy getting laid off thing, but, we have been under so much stress since he got ill that we, and our marriage, have taken a trampling.  It's time given to us to relax, because we are probably going to be working for the rest of our lives from here.  Which isn't a horrible thing. What else would we be doing?

Inertia

My altar, which, a shame and very sad, I haven't made much use out of. 
Inertia:  lack of movement or activity especially when movement or activity is wanted or needed. : a feeling of not having the energy or desire that is needed to move.
People with good intuition ride the wave of good tidings. I, on the other hand, am not so wise and trip a lot.

This post is from July, a couple of weeks ago, I think. Ugh,,.,see what I mean?

Duldrums

Somewhere, I have made a wrong turn. My path hasn't always been wonderous magical wave after wonderous magical wave, but it's never been like this either. For the past two years I haven't celebrated any Sabbats nor Esbats. All I do is sit, in a dark basement. I rarely study any herbie things. Guy has been paying $7 a month for the past two years and I haven't even popped in on the site but maybe twice. Even my imagination is failing. I don't know for sure what happened I just know that I need to get back on track, somehow. I am not even sure how to go about that.