Dream

My dream:  Two men were being mean to a very heavy set girl who was auditioning for a musical.  I was sitting on the ground, there was snow, and I yelled out to these two to come fight me.  They were walking a circle around me, I had a brick or something heavy in my hand which is in my lap, and then a third man to my right is standing behind a table with a cover on it, starts throwing things at me, not real heavy, but he was throwing things at me and I'm screaming at my husband to whoop his ass and he wouldn't.  So I laid dude out on the table and started bashing in his face, yelling at my husband, "Like this.".  The other two guys took off.  Now in dream moods it says that a fight represents one aspect of myself fighting another aspect of myself or it could be talking about some struggle in waking life, either way I'm kickin it's ass.

Ayurveda

 AYYYYEE No wonder I am fat!!  And unhealthy!!!  I am eating everything wrong :(:(:(


The Kapha Type

• Kapha types have good endurance, strength and stamina.
  
• Although it is easy for you to follow routine, it is healthier for you to periodically break from routine.
  
• You tend toward inertia and tend to attach to people or things.
  
• Food and security are important to you.
  
• The primary organ is the chest.
  
• Kapha is often correlated with the production of mucus.
  
• Kapha types have a tendency towards congestion, sinusitis, sluggishness, weight gain, diabetes or water retention.
  

In order to be balanced, Kaphas should be physically active, consume little fried or fatty foods, avoid icy drinks, sweets or excessive amounts of bread. They should enjoy plenty of fresh vegetables.

Kapha types should allow excitement, change and challenge to become a regular part of their lives.

 KAPHA
Balancing Foods
Fruit - Apples, Apricots, Berries, Cherries, Cranberries, Dried Figs, Mango, Peaches, Pears, Pomegranate, Prunes, Raisins. Sweet fruits such as bananas and dates are aggravating, as are sour fruits such as lemons, sour oranges and grapefruit.

 KAPHA
Balancing Foods
Vegetables - Asparagus, Beets, Beet Greens, Bell Pepper, Broccoli, Brussels Sprouts, Cabbage, Carrots, Cauliflower, Celery, Eggplant, Garlic, Green Beans, Horseradish, Leafy Greens, Leeks, Lettuce, Mushrooms, Okra, Onions, Parsley, Peas, Peppers, Potatoes, Spinach, Sprouts, Turnips, Watercress. Raw, pungent and bitter vegetables are balancing. Sweet, juicy vegetables are aggravating.

Grains - Amaranth, Barley, Buckwheat, Corn, Granola, Millet, Oats, Oat Bran, Quinoa, Basmati Rice, Rice Cakes, Rye and Wheat Bran are balancing. Cooked Oats, Brown or White Rice, and Wheat are imbalancing.

Legumes and Nuts - Adzuki beans, Black-Eyed Peas, Chickpeas, Flaxseeds, Pumpkin Seeds, Sunflower Seeds, Lima Beans, Navy Beans, Pinto Beans, Red Lentils, Split Peas, White Beans are balancing. Almonds, Brazil Nuts, Cashew, Coconut, Macadamia Nuts, Peanuts, Pecans, Pine Nuts, Pistachios, Psyllium, Sesame, Black lentils, Mung Beans, KIdney Beans, Lentils, Soy Beans, Tempeh, Walnuts and Tofu are imbalancing.

Meat - Chicken dark meat, Turkey dark meat, eggs are balancing. Beef, Duck, Freshwater Fish, Lamb, Pork, Seafood, Shrimp, and Venison are aggravating.

Herbs, Spices and Condiments - allspice, Anise, Basil, Black Pepper, Caraway, Cardamom, Cayenne, Cinnamon, Cloves, Coriander, Cumin, Dill, Fenugreek, Garlic, Ginger, Horseradish, Mint, Mustard Seeds, Nutmeg, Onion, Oregano, Paprika, Parsley, Peppermint, Poppy Seeds, Rosemary, Sage, Spearmint, Star Anise, Tarragon, Thyme, Turmeric, Wintergreen are balancing.

Dairy - Ghee, Goats Milk and Diluted Yogurt (diluted 1:4 yogurt:water) are balancing. Butter, Cheese, Buttermilk, Cow's Milk, Ice Cream, Sour Cream and Yogurt are aggravating.

How to learn

I watched one of Anni's vid's on materialism and spirituality.  In the video she tell's her story of one of her lesson's from her High Priest.  First they were to learn all the elements and how their tools corresponded to those elements.  Eventually creating a relationship, one where love has grown, with their tools and the elements.  And then at the end of the month he asked them to bring him their tools, and then took them away, and they were to learn to do ritual without them.  He eventually gave them back, but the lesson stayed.  You don't NEED anything but yourself.  I also imagine they went through a sort of mourning period as well, so they experienced that, the initial panic of now what do I do, until finally succumbing to the fact that done is done and things must move on.  I wish I could've had this type of teacher.  Because, even though they are good teachers, for me, I don't think I have spent my money well to get smoke and happy shit blown up my ass. 

Esbat

The Cold Moon is coming Tuesday, today is Sunday.  At first I didn't think it was going to be very cold at all, but by the time my husband gets home it should be pretty chilly, at least below 40.  So it got me to thinking about what kind of energy is going to be present at this esbat, with it being a little warmer than usual.
First thing that came to mind when I asked myself what does this esbat mean to me, was it's the slowing down after all the hubub of the holidays.  Getting back on the track of life, but relaxing and enjoying the calm after the storm.
So what kind of works would I do on this esbat?  I will probably do some sort of grounding, centering type work to help get me back down to it after all the fun and rush of the holidays I do need a little bit more of that.
As for the time in the season, it's got me a little baffled with this warmer weather :/.

When bad things happen

I was having a hard time with the answer to this and I enlisted the help of Anni as well as meditation.  Now when I meditated on this the answer came clear as a bell, balance.  And it was like ... der.   To further that explanation, I don't want to fathom a place that is bad all day every day 24/7, and I think that if things were perfect all day every day 24/7 that people would get lazy or even bored.  Bad things happen to keep us on our toes and I know this isn't a good enough answer but it is one answer.  The old saying of , "Someone always has it worse than I.", even the person on the bottom rung of that sucky ladder can honestly say, it can only go up from here.

Fearlessness

Because witches claim friends from all walks of life, does that make them evil, or fearless?

Health

No carbs, no sugar, exercise.  I need to get out more, I need to move around more.  Just an observation.

Loving with my whole heart and Life after Death

Being that I am a pagan, and share in pagan beliefs, which includes life after death shouldn't love be easier?  The fact that there is more.  I have still managed to shut off my heart, deep damage was done when my mother passed, and I'm not sure if it was because I felt she was short changed in this life, or because of guilt on my part, or just because I wanted her here.  I used to cry at movies, I used to cry when my feelings would get hurt, I used to cry, and not so much now and never during a sad movie.  This was brought about from a day thought, I am sitting here on the floor straightening up my bookshelf and altar and I happen to look up at my cupboard and there on the first shelf I see a small black  something that looked like we might have wings  clumsily trying to bring it's head up to stand and see where it had landed.  He's a baby dragon, black.  Now, I make him go away and I tell him that I can't love him here because humans are stupid and the thought of loosing him to human stupidity is too much, just thinking about it brought a tear to my eye.  But what if I could have?  Would I truly have a dragon here?  The possibility...and a thought of what have I done....

The Elements

I thought that I was just more inclined to the elements than others.  Since day 1 on this path, the elements have had a place in my practice as well as my altar.  The more I learn about traditional Wicca, the more I wonder where my ideas come from, that, truly, are they my ideas?  Now I wonder if my guide, or guides, were at one time a member of the wicca.  I have never wanted to call myself wiccan.  It didn't feel right.  The Wicca have set standards that I am not able to be a part of, so I guess out of respect for the Wicca, I didn't feel I should claim that title.  I am a solitary, eclectic, aspiring weed wife.  But...I would've loved the structured study, depending on the group of people, I may have done ok with that.  Large groups of folks make me break out lol, not really, it does feel that way though.  I have been watching Anni's videos, and out of all the folks out there that are offering their takes on this "religion", finally I found one that makes sense to me.
She has this book, called the book of  the land.  This I did do with my husband.  I went out and bought some old books with pictures of the land in them from thrift stores, and I spent no more than 4 dollars on them all.  We chose our pictures and then did like she had and arranged them all in order of what element we thought the picture represented.  That was a great assignment that taught us that not always are things what they appear to be, or not always are they just what they look like, there is more to them.  It also taught us how different the land is, and all the elements.  As in water, can be still and calming, or powerful and rushing.  I chose pictures of volcanoes, and forest fires, and tornadoes.  Not because I find these things pleasing, but because they are as much a part of the land as anything else.  Also I am going through a phase of acceptance of "bad" things.  The fact that they happen, not so much because we deserve what they bring, but....I still have to meditate on this, the "Why do 'bad' things happen?".  I need assignments like this.  I need a structured learning atmosphere.    As for now, I neither have a teacher or money for one, so I will learn what I can from books, videos and where ever I can and be thankful that I have that.

As an older Pagan Who is New to Paganism

I find myself in a rush to learn all I can.  That I don't have the time I would've had, had I got on my path much sooner than later.

Just doing the moves

I have been studying for 3 years now.  Not the whole time, but little bits every day.  It's looking like that may not have been the best way to go about study.  Maybe it would be better to set a few hours every other day aside for study instead of these little bitty bits of time spent, it's just not enough. 
So new study schedule will be on the Sabbats, the why's, when's, and meanings of each.  And the elements, what they mean to me, what they bring about in me.  As well as learning to accept Deity into myself and my life a lot more.
On the inner side of things, taking a look at the things that terrify me.  The bad things, and learning a sort of acceptance that bad does happen, when I say "bad" it almost gives events a personality when these are neutral in that they just happen, no reason why.  If that makes any sense.  As a christian I believed and was taught that this was evil at work.  As a pagan, I know that these are not evil, they just are.

Jump ahead, Jump around, Jump and Jump, Up and Down

If it's one thing I am good at it's jumping around.  Not physically, but in my studies.  I will barely have one thing down pat and, "OOO look at this new thingy here!!" and off I go.  This is one of the top 5 reasons why finding a teacher is not such a bad idea.  Problem being for me is no money so on I go...I just really need to hunker down and study a thing until I am comfortable with the knowing of it and what I know of it.  I am still learning about the Sabbats and what they are to me.