The Elements

I thought that I was just more inclined to the elements than others.  Since day 1 on this path, the elements have had a place in my practice as well as my altar.  The more I learn about traditional Wicca, the more I wonder where my ideas come from, that, truly, are they my ideas?  Now I wonder if my guide, or guides, were at one time a member of the wicca.  I have never wanted to call myself wiccan.  It didn't feel right.  The Wicca have set standards that I am not able to be a part of, so I guess out of respect for the Wicca, I didn't feel I should claim that title.  I am a solitary, eclectic, aspiring weed wife.  But...I would've loved the structured study, depending on the group of people, I may have done ok with that.  Large groups of folks make me break out lol, not really, it does feel that way though.  I have been watching Anni's videos, and out of all the folks out there that are offering their takes on this "religion", finally I found one that makes sense to me.
She has this book, called the book of  the land.  This I did do with my husband.  I went out and bought some old books with pictures of the land in them from thrift stores, and I spent no more than 4 dollars on them all.  We chose our pictures and then did like she had and arranged them all in order of what element we thought the picture represented.  That was a great assignment that taught us that not always are things what they appear to be, or not always are they just what they look like, there is more to them.  It also taught us how different the land is, and all the elements.  As in water, can be still and calming, or powerful and rushing.  I chose pictures of volcanoes, and forest fires, and tornadoes.  Not because I find these things pleasing, but because they are as much a part of the land as anything else.  Also I am going through a phase of acceptance of "bad" things.  The fact that they happen, not so much because we deserve what they bring, but....I still have to meditate on this, the "Why do 'bad' things happen?".  I need assignments like this.  I need a structured learning atmosphere.    As for now, I neither have a teacher or money for one, so I will learn what I can from books, videos and where ever I can and be thankful that I have that.