This article just revealed all kinds of stuff that I already knew, but was quite happy with the way things were going. I don't want to do this, just the thought of bringing even a little of it back makes me anxious and I want to have a cigarette.
What my life has taught me is that people hurt you, and it has taken me many years to turn it off. There is no way I ever want to care that much anymore.
I used to, when I was a teenager, black out, only rage was my thing. I always thought it was hormonal, and later in life found out it could've been part hereditary. I would be so hurt, my mother would come off cold to me, she loved me, but I needed the emotional, to feel it. I am so not blaming this on my mom, she loved me and there is no question, she was just very good at keeping it back from me. And I got angry, and then the rage. So I tried to find others who would love me. Guh, will continue this some other time. Going to sleep before I have to go hunt down a smoke UGH!!
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